- SFX
- INT. JORDAN'S APARTMENT
- SFX
- An alarm clock begins beeping before being cut off. Jacob sighs
- SFX
- Jacob gets ready for the first day at his new job. He fumbles through the bathroom drawers, opens up a new toothbrush and toothpaste, and begins brushing his teeth
- SFX
- Song Starts - Imposter
- VIDEO
- Hey everybody, it's your boy, the Teejmeister, and welcome back to the channel. Today, we're gonna learn how to tie a tie.
- VIDEO
- Remember, you're gonna take the topsy derby, and loop it on through.
- SFX
- Lyrics] I've been playing pretend, I've been planning revenge, I've been playing for keeps, I've been planning for the end, I’ve been trying to keep my composure,
feel my throat close as I’m getting older
- SFX
- Jacob turns the shower on and hops in. The shower runs for a bit longer before being shut off
- VIDEO
- Whether you're newly entering the work force, or you're thirty something with no life skills, Teej is going to help you, the whole way.
- SFX
- Lyrics] Skipping out on the bail, navigating the hail, hear the weather's better down in hell, I've been trying to keep my exposure to a minimum, I'm barely getting older, I'm- an imposter.
- SFX
- Jacob prepares himself for the day ahead
- JACOB
- This could actually work.
- SFX
- A car engine revs to life.
- SFX
- Lyrics] I am so fucking fake, It's embarrassing I really am a mistake, feeling like a loose brake, I - am - an imposter, I am so fucking fake, I've been noticing I really am a mistake, feeling like a loose brake, an imposter
- SFX
- Song ends
- JACOB
- I can't believe it. He went radio silent for nearly 2 years and was working less than 30 minutes from my apartment.
- SFX
- The car engine turns off. Car door closes. Jacob walks to the entrance of the building. A door opens and closes
- SFX
- INT. REDACTED UNIT
- JACOB
- (To the empty office) Uhhhh... hello?
- SFX
- He walks around, footsteps echoing
- JACOB
- Damn, this place is... shabby.
- SFX
- Beat
- JACOB
- United Accounting Partners... uhh basement. Weird. Guess that's where I'm going. I just need...
- SFX
- He looks around
- JACOB
- Ah, there! The elevator.
- SFX
- A "ding" is heard as the elevator doors slide open, and Jacob steps in
- JACOB
- Just a normal day at the office... accounting... I can do that.
- OUTRO
- Intro
- JACOB
- Weird looking office. Where is everybody...? Hello?
- SFX
- Jacob wanders around the large open office and spots a large white board
- JACOB
- Whoa, this whiteboard is huge!
- JACOB
- (Reading) "Man found dead outside Mount Rainier National Park Lookout"... "team of Urban Explorer content creators disappear without a trace"... "Chupacabra"...
- SFX
- Long beat
- JACOB
- Are these... clients?
- SFX
- He pauses and thinks
- JACOB
- ...How the fuck does a gerbil have a bank account??
- SFX
- Beat
- JACOB
- (Panicking) Jesus Christ... what am I doing? This is crazy. I-I can't do this, I'm going ho-
- SFX
- Valentine comes out of a break room with a coffee
- SFX
- Suspenseful ambience begins playing
- VALENTINE
- Hey stranger. You dressed up today.
- JACOB
- (A little startled) Oh, have- have we not met before? I'm J-
- VALENTINE
- (Very startled) -JESUS!
- JACOB
- (Thinking he's been caught already) Wa... what??
- VALENTINE
- You shaved.
- JACOB
- (Relieved) Oh... Oh. Yeah. Uh...
- SFX
- Slightly cheerful chime begins to play
- JACOB
- Is it bad?
- VALENTINE
- I guess not? Just... not what I was expectin'.
- JACOB
- Oh. I'm... sorry...?
- VALENTINE
- (To herself) And... no tie... (pause, to Jacob) What are you doin' down here anyway?
- JACOB
- (Struggling) I was uh- just um, reviewing the whiteboard... (hesitating) of uh... clients?
- VALENTINE
- (Sarcastic) Ha ha. So funny. (back to baseline) Here. I grabbed you a coffee.
- JACOB
- (Delighted) Oh-! That's so nice of you, thank you! (pause) But you- you didn't get one for yourself?
- VALENTINE
- Kane, you know my pep is ALL natural.
- JACOB
- Right. Right...
- JACOB
- Uhh hey, I actually have a few questions, um. This is a dumb one, so, please forgive me. Haven't had my coffee yet-
- VALENTINE
- You do now. You're welcome!
- JACOB
- Yeah, yeah I sure do... thanks... again. Uh, but I'm still super out of it. Am I... am I supposed to clock in, somewhere...?
- VALENTINE
- (Forced chuckle) You're a real comedian today.
- JACOB
- (Painfully awkward) Haa, ha- yeah, yeah we don't- (cough) we don't clock in, I... definitely knew that. It's early. Sorry.
- VALENTINE
- (Getting annoyed) Why're you being so weird? Stop apologizing, now c'mon! Reyes' gettin' everyone together for the debriefin'.
- JACOB
- A debriefing on... accounting?
- VALENTINE
- You need to drink that right now. Let's go, walk 'n sip.
- JACOB
- Sure... walk and sip...
- SFX
- A door clicks shut. The music stops
- JACOB
- (To himself) ...Reyes...?
- SFX
- Door opens to a large conference room full of people, including Eli
- SFX
- INT: DEBRIEFING ROOM
- ELI
- Oh it's good to have you back... (voice falls) Kane.
- JACOB
- (Surprised) Hi El— ah uh- (catching himself) Reyes. I... yeah. Yeah, yeah it's good to be back.
- SFX
- Beat
- HEDY
- (Hushed) ...Your seat is... right there.
- JACOB
- Oh, yeah of course. Sorry.
- VALENTINE
- (Explaining) He hasn't had his coffee yet. Also, he shaved.
- HEDY
- We can... see that.
- JACOB
- Excuse me... sorry... pardon me.
- SFX
- Jacob scootches around people
- MAXWELL
- Was starting to wonder if you were coming back.
- SFX
- Jacob finally sits down
- JACOB
- (Nervous) Yes, I am very sorry. I... had to miss a few days. Personal reasons, won't- happen again.
- SFX
- Long beat
- MAXWELL
- (Confused by his apology) Right.
- LUCAS
- My god, look at that chin!
- JACOB
- My... chin?
- LUCAS
- Yeah, dude! So majestic. I had no idea you looked like Kurt Russell.
- VALENTINE
- (Scoffing) No he fucking doesn't!
- SFX
- Beat
- ELI
- (Tense, changing the subject) Hedy, care to kick this thing off?
- HEDY
- (Tired) Sure.
- SFX
- Music progresses
- HEDY
- As most of you know, our unit has been tracking an unusual pattern of disappearances centered around the abandoned Westlake office complex at the corner of Van Damme and Davenport. (overlapped) Police reports classify these as voluntary relocations, primarily involving unhoused people seeking shelter.
- VALENTINE
- Drink. Your. Coffee.
- LUCAS
- (Whispering) It's a capri sun-!
- VALENTINE
- I'm not talking to yo- ...Why is it in a coffee cup?
- HEDY
- (Overlapped) The pattern is too consistent to be coincidental.
- LUCAS
- Fits more suns.
- ELI
- (Whispering) Hush! Just- Stop.
- HEDY
- Twelve disappearances in the same six-block radius.
- LUCAS
- (Interjecting) AND... and, it's been real weird, right? No personal belongings left behind. No witness reports. No surveillance footage, showing ANY of the missing leaving the area.
- HEDY
- Exactly. After reviewing historical records of the building and surrounding area, we requested to investigate directly. We received authorization for a two-person reconnaissance operation.
- HEDY
- Reyes and Chadwick were selected based on their previous experience with similar cases in the Portland quadrant. Reyes, can you address the ground op-?
- ELI
- (Hurriedly) Sure- thank you Hedy. So, we conducted a systematic sweep starting from the ground floor. The first five floors showed expected signs of abandonment. No energy signatures, no temporal anomalies, no evidence of ritualistic activity.
- ELI
- At 1445, we reached the executive level, on the top floor. Chadwick took the east wing while I covered the west and we maintained radio contact at 5 minute intervals.
- LUCAS
- (To himself) Uh, 2:45
- ELI
- At 1500 hours, Chadwick missed his check-in. I immediately checked his last known position within 3 minutes, and there was... nothing. No signs of struggle. No blood. No equipment left behind.
- LUCAS
- (To himself) Ok, uh, that's 3.
- ELI
- Lucas, anything to add to this point?
- LUCAS
- Yeah, this is... extra weird. Whatever took Chadwick, operated without triggering any... of our detection measures. The... "entity"... left no trace evidence, no electromagnetic disturbance, nothing that our gear could detect.
- ELI
- Exactly. And as of this report, the case remains open, and I have submitted for this case to be elevated to Class 3. Chadwick's status is classified as Agent-in-jeopardy. I have already requested additional resources and clearance to implement more advanced detection protocols.
- HEDY
- So... there it is. Any... questions? Concerns? ...Snide remarks?
- SFX
- Beat
- MAXWELL
- Do I need to say it?
- VALENTINE
- I think we're all thinkin’ it.
- MAXWELL
- Kane, you've been uncharacteristically quiet. What do you think?
- SFX
- Music fades. An awkward silence falls
- JACOB
- Uh- uh me? I- (painfully awkward) Well, if nothing was... detected, I am not really sure...?
- SFX
- Beat
- SFX
- His chair squeaks
- JACOB
- I don't know what could have happened. So, someone... someone should definitely look for... Chad- Chadwick-?
- MAXWELL
- (Miffed) Yeah, no shit Sherlock, the point is this sounds exactly like what happened to Silas.
- ELI
- (Interjecting) I- I hear you Max. Trust me, I do- this all seems very... familiar, and... I don't mean to speak for Kane, but... we're not ready for this. Our gear isn't cutting it, and... if we go in again, more of us might disappear. We need to just- wait for approval, which comes with a better arsenal, so that we can at least have an idea of what we're walking into.
- MAXWELL
- (Annoyed) You're assuming it'll get approved. Our evidence looks real flimsy on paper. (pause) And even if it does get approved, that'll take time Silas doesn't have-
- ELI
- (Interrupting) -We're talking about Chadwick, Max. Not Silas.
- SFX
- Long beat
- ELI
- (Sighs) Are you planning on going in alone?
- SFX
- Beat
- MAXWELL
- Nah.
- ELI
- Okay. Then... we're adjourned. Thanks everybody.
- SFX
- Everyone begins to make their way out of the room
- ELI
- Oh real quick, um... Kane. Do you have a second for me?
- JACOB
- Uh... uh sure. Of course.
- ELI
- Yeah, sorry, let's just uh... Step in here real quick.
- SFX
- They enter a nearby supply closet. The door shuts
- SFX
- INT. SUPPLY CLOSET
- JACOB
- What do you need... Reyes?
- ELI
- (Exasperated) Oh, cut it out, Jacob! Why- are you pretending to be Jordan?!
- SFX
- Rhythmic music begins
- JACOB
- Wha- I didn't...!
- JACOB
- Gah, fuck... Is it that obvious?
- ELI
- Are you kidding me-?! After all this time, you don't think I can tell you two apart? I mean I bought you that shirt-!
- JACOB
- You know what!? I don't think I'm the one that should be explaining myself right now-
- ELI
- (Popping off) Ohhh no nononono buddy! Don't- don't try that with me-! You have NO idea, what you've gotten yourself into-
- JACOB
- (Popping off back) I don't care about any of that! How could you do this to me!?
- ELI
- (Indignant) How could I?! I didn't do anything, you did it-!
- JACOB
- You've been working with Jordan this whole time and you NEVER told me?!
- ELI
- I- (realizing) I... Yeah, I'm sorry, I-
- JACOB
- (Immediately) How long has this been going on?
- SFX
- Beat
- JACOB
- The whole time? Seven years!?
- ELI
- Look, I know how this sounds... (long pause) But you staying away from Jordan was the best thing for you.
- JACOB
- That's not your fucking decision to MAKE, Eli! You lied to my face for years, YEARS-! In what world is that okay?!
- ELI
- -Jacob, I never-
- JACOB
- You knew!
- ELI
- Jacob, I never lied-
- JACOB
- (Interrupting) -You knew where he was cause you were WITH him!
- ELI
- (Frustrated sigh)
- JACOB
- This entire fucking time, and you didn't say a goddamn word!
- ELI
- Jacob- what are you doing here? I- I mean, you're not even supposed to be here-
- JACOB
- Jordan is dead.
- ELI
- (Too loud) What do you mean he's-
- JACOB
- Sssshhhh!!
- ELI
- (Hushed) I- I mean I... I don't understand, are you ok, what happened?
- JACOB
- ...So that last time we got breakfast...
- SFX
- HARD CUT
- SFX
- INT. MEETING ROOM
- VALENTINE
- So then... I just shot this thing. Old school.
- HEDY
- (Sighs) Val, please tell me you're not talking about the Gristle Thing case.
- VALENTINE
- You know it. Three silver bullets. Two to the chest, one to the head. Pow-pow, pow. Problem solved.
- HEDY
- Three silver bullets... that probably cost four hundred dollars each. If you keep this up, our requisition orders will start getting denied.
- VALENTINE
- Silver works. Why mess with what works?
- HEDY
- Because we have options that don't involve medieval metallurgy...? The lab developed that ionized sodium spray last year specifically for ethereal manifestations.
- VALENTINE
- You mean that fancy water pistol with the glowing blue stuff? Tried it once. Jammed.
- HEDY
- (Coyly) It didn't jam. You didn't prime the compression chamber correctly.
- VALENTINE
- Pull this, twist that, bop the whatever. Too many steps! (gesturing) Bang! Dead Aberration.
- HEDY
- Modern containment methods have a success rate approximately 20% higher than your traditional methods.
- VALENTINE
- Numbers lie, Hedy.
- HEDY
- Numbers literally don't lie. The spray works on the same principle as silver, just, more efficiently. It targets the same frequency as their consciousness.
- VALENTINE
- And this...
- SFX
- Mimicks the sound of loading a gun
- VALENTINE
- This targets their face.
- HEDY
- You're impossible.
- SFX
- Beat
- HEDY
- Seriously, I... worry about you sometimes. These older methods aren't just less efficient, they're more dangerous. You have to get closer.
- VALENTINE
- (Suddenly serious) Hedy, that's the point. How it feels when you're face to face with one of those things... I need to see it in their eyes. I need to know it's done.
- HEDY
- The Gristle Thing didn't have eyes.
- VALENTINE
- (Stuttering) ...I needed to. See it- in his. Teeth.
- SFX
- Beat
- HEDY
- (Changing the subject) So anyway... they've been in that supply closet a while. Should we... check on 'em?
- SFX
- HARD CUT
- SFX
- INT. SUPPLY CLOSET
- JACOB
- So that's it. Jordan is dead, and it's my fault...
- ELI
- (Sighs) No, no it's not. He... he knew better.
- JACOB
- I should've listened to him. I should've just gotten out of the car like he said-
- ELI
- (Interrupting) -Those people that were after him. What- what did they look like?
- JACOB
- I dunno... white?
- SFX
- Beat
- ELI
- Okay, yeah, and??
- JACOB
- Late 30's or early 40's... black suits... about as non-descript as you could get.
- ELI
- O-okay, I mean, that's not much to go off of, but... I mean, it still doesn't explain why you're here Jacob.
- SFX
- Huffs
- JACOB
- Stupid.
- ELI
- ...I mean, yeah, probably, I mean lo-
- SFX
- Valentine knocks on the door
- VALENTINE
- (Muffled) Okay you two. Time to pause the makeout session. Riley's ready in the lab to review the autopsy from the Langston case.
- ELI
- Okay, yeah-! We'll- we'll be right there, just a second, thank you-! (pause) And we weren't making out-!
- VALENTINE
- (Through the door) Aww. Borin'.
- SFX
- Beat
- JACOB
- Autopsy? ...Eli, what is this place? I thought you were in Supply Chain Management, are you... are you an accountant, too?
- ELI
- (Sputtering) What-? Am I an account- No, I'm not an accountan- were- were you in the meet-?! It doesn't- it doesn't matter. I don't have time to explain this right now just-
- JACOB
- Whatever. This, this was a bad idea, I'm just gonna get out of here and go-
- ELI
- Woah, no no. You can't leave. You have to come with me.
- JACOB
- W-Why??
- ELI
- Listen, it's... really dumb, that you're here, but for now just... Don't freak out, shut up, and... come with me. This will be quiet... quick, easy, in out, promise.
- SFX
- INT. LAB
- RILEY
- Okayyy everyone! Turn around.
- VALENTINE
- Ughh... not again.
- JACOB
- (Hushed) What is happening?
- ELI
- (Hushed) Ju- just play along. You'll be fine.
- RILEY
- Today, we are playing a simple game of...! Call My Bluff.
- HEDY
- What era is this one from? 90's? 2000's...?
- RILEY
- Close! 60's!
- VALENTINE
- Riley, why do we have to play a game every single time that you have information for us?
- RILEY
- Okay, Valentine, come now. Relax. The point of doing it this way is to have fun! Having fun is...! Well, it's fun.
- HEDY
- (Hushed, to Valentine) Yeah, Val. I wanna play.
- VALENTINE
- Whatever.
- RILEY
- Okay so, let's start with an easy one. I am only going to make two statements. One true and one false! Your job is to-
- VALENTINE
- (Interrupting) -Oh let me guess. Call your bluff?
- RILEY
- (Laughs) Oh, you're gonna be good at this... Okay. Who wants to go first? (pause) Don't all jump up at once!
- SFX
- Long beat
- VALENTINE
- (Reluctant) Fine, I'll go.
- RILEY
- Great! Okay, here are my statements! I have information that could lead to a potential case, or...! I called you here because I wanted to play this game. Which is the bluff?
- VALENTINE
- The bluff had better be that you dragged us down here for this stupid game-
- RILEY
- WRONG! Guess again.
- HEDY
- The answer is neither. It's a trick question. Both are true.
- RILEY
- Correct! I have a case, and I really did want to play a game!
- VALENTINE
- Oh that's bullshit! You're already breakin' the rules!
- HEDY
- (Teasing) Don't be a sore loser. (pause) (to Riley) So... what do I win?
- RILEY
- You win: these 2 photos! Turn around and take a look!
- SFX
- Long beat
- HEDY
- (Reacting to the photos) Oh- oh... wow... these are...
- RILEY
- Shhhh-sshhhh! Not yet! Don't spoil it, the game isn't over!
- HEDY
- Okay, sorry, it's just... (long pause) Wow.
- RILEY
- Okay. Who's next?
- ELI
- Uh, I'll... I'll go next.
- RILEY
- Perfect! This one will be a little harder, now...! Okay, Reyes. In my exam room I have two adult bodies, and...! They weigh a cumulative weight of 10 stone 7- Oh, sorry. 150 pounds.
- ELI
- Uhh, well... the weight seems way low for two bodies, so I'll say... your bluff is that the two bodies weigh a collective 150lbs...? Right?
- RILEY
- Wrong! Trick question again! I have four bodies.
- ELI
- Four bodies?! And they only weigh a collective 150 pounds? How-?
- RILEY
- Well, turn around! Hedy, please pass the pictures to Reyes.
- SFX
- Eli turns around
- ELI
- (Reacting to the photos) OH-! O-okay, wow-!
- LUCAS
- (Interrupting) What happened?!
- RILEY
- Lucas, stop cheating!
- RILEY
- You have to answer a question correctly to turn around.
- ELI
- Riley, this was... (pause) fun. But... we really need to get to work.
- RILEY
- (Disappointed) Aww... okay, fine... you can all turn around.
- SFX
- Everyone turns their chairs around to face the table
- LUCAS
- Oh, gross-! Wha... what is that?!
- RILEY
- THAT, is one of the bodies in my exam room! Gnarly, right?
- LUCAS
- Uh, yeah, no. Can I un-turn around-? I can't even look at this anymore...
- RILEY
- If you want a better look, we can all go to my room and see it?
- LUCAS
- No no no no no-! I'm- I'm good, I'm good. Thanks for the offer though. Very um, generous... generous.
- RILEY
- Any time! Seriously, any time. It gets lonely in there.
- HEDY
- I... I don't even know what happened here. ...It looks like... what could do something like this?
- LUCAS
- (Nauseous) They... kinda look like a Flat Stanley.
- VALENTINE
- ...A what?
- LUCAS
- Flat- Flat Stanley? ...Has nobody ever heard of this?
- SFX
- Beat
- LUCAS
- It's a... a book, about this little kid named Stanley that, well. H-he was flat.
- SFX
- Long beat
- ELI
- Anyway, uh... sh- short of a steamroller, how does a body... get... flat?
- RILEY
- That's a great question! Externally, the skin, hair and everything... appear to be in great condition. Internally is a completely different story! Now, in a typical body, what would you expect to find UNDER the surface? This isn't a trick question.
- LUCAS
- Normal... body... stuff?
- RILEY
- Eloquently said! Blood, fatty tissue, organs, a skeleton. And, I did find some of that. Just, not in the form that you would expect. All the "body stuff" was found to be almost completely liquidated! Notwithstanding a few bone fragments.
- ELI
- So the four bodies collectively weigh 150 pounds because-
- RILEY
- (Too cheerful) Because most of the liquidated insides drained through THIS puncture wound!
- ELI
- Oh! Okay.
- RILEY
- See picture number 3!
- SFX
- Enthusiastic flapping of a photo
- LUCAS
- (Getting sick) Oh...! gross...
- ELI
- (Alarmed) Uh- where were these picked up?
- RILEY
- Ignatius found them in an alleyway on Langston Street about 20 miles from here.
- ELI
- Okay, then... we'll start there. Need to get more intel before we decide if it's worth submitting a requisition.
- VALENTINE
- Sounds boring, but I could use the fresh air. Let's go.
- ELI
- Uhh...actually, no need. Kane and I... have this covered.
- VALENTINE
- Really? ...Just you two?
- ELI
- Yeah, we- we can handle it. Plus... Max, didn't show for this, can you, just- keep an eye on him...? I-I'm worried he's gonna go on some... angsty... solitary crusade, to find Chadwick. Please?
- VALENTINE
- (Reluctant) Fine.
- ELI
- Thank you. Really. Uh- Hedy, can you be on standby in case we need support?
- HEDY
- You got it.
- ELI
- Alright. Come on Kane, let's- let's go.
- JACOB
- (A little sarcastic) Yes boss.
- SFX
- Eli and Jacob leave the room and walk down the hall
- JACOB
- (Hushed) Were those pictures of dead bodies? What the FUCK, Eli-?
- ELI
- Kane- stop talking. Not here.
- SFX
- The two walk to a connected garage and hop in a car
- SFX
- INT. ELI'S CAR
- ELI
- ...Why are you raising your hand?
- JACOB
- Oh, I just wanted to see if I have permission to talk now. Does now work for you?
- ELI
- Kane, you need to-
- SFX
- The rear passenger door opens
- LUCAS
- Hello my friends!
- ELI
- (Irritated) Hey Lucas! Uh... why are you here?
- LUCAS
- Oh, uhh, I just... It's only a stakeout, sooo I figured... it was something I might be able to help with-! Maybe tap into surveillance or something?
- ELI
- Okay, but... I said Kane and I have this covered. So...
- LUCAS
- Yeah, I know, I just... I thought, "Hey, the... more the merrier!" Sounded fun, just the guys. Hanging out.
- SFX
- Beat
- LUCAS
- Look... Riley keeps trying to show me more pictures of dead bodies... Valentine is pissed you're leaving her behind, again. Hedy will be in the archives all day, and Max is... he's Max, right-? (pause) So yeah, guy's night! Let's get crazy!!
- SFX
- Long beat
- LUCAS
- (Pleading) Please don't kick me out.
- ELI
- (Sighs) Fine. You can come.
- LUCAS
- Yes! You will not regret it...! Probably! I hope- I think so-?
- ELI
- (Sarcastic) Love the confidence there, buddy.
- LUCAS
- (Not confident) Thanks! I'm... working on it.
- JACOB
- (Hushed) What the hell man-? How are you going to explain all this to me with him- (even more hushed) Right there-!
- ELI
- You're going to have to wait, Kane.
- ELI
- We have a job to do.
- JAMIE PETRONIS
- Thank you for listening to REDACTED. Starring Jamie Petronis as Jacob Kane, Athan as Eli Reyes, Devin Steffins as Lucas Kipp, Kirsten Ria as Jo Valentine, Ishani Kanetkar as Hedy Hauksdottir, THE Joe Cliff Thompson as Maxwell Clark, and Ash Millman as Riley Fleming.
- JAMIE PETRONIS
- If you're enjoying the show, please take a second to rate and review wherever you're listening. We would really appreciate it. Part 3, starts right now.
Transcript from the production script, matched to the final audio.
